eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
