you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
