he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
