hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
