Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
