1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
