On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
