i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
