I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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