He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
