Need sex. Gaining weight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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