I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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