but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
