i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
