Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Your penis caused this!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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