You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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