So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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