i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
