they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
