You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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