for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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