Umm I'm too high to move.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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