I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
