Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize