Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize