He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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