The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
