so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
