So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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