I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
