I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
