i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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