if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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