my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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