I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
