i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
MIDGETS
????
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
