i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize