dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
