I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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