he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
