My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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