he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
