So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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