she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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