also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
