woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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