I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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