why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
