And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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