My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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