I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
