I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
