So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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