There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
