She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
