Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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