I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
