Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
