i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Drunk is not a location!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Someone signed my nipple.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
