Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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