my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
