I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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