She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
