I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
