Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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