he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
