Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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