i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
