I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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