Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
