I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
